To get directly to the point, here they are: The Provider, The Protector, The Example, The Law and The Hammer. I plan on writing a full explanation in separate blog posts on each of these roles, how to do it, and what it looks like in a normal daily life example. But here is at least a brief description of what I mean by these 5 roles.
Dad role 1: The provider
The provider of the household is not just paying the bills, although that is a big part of it. It's making sure your spouse has what she needs in the house to make it a home. Do you have enough nutritious food, enough furniture for everyone to sleep comfortably, do you have supplies to last in an emergency and have you thought about all the details that come with the house. My wife helps out a lot with grocery shopping and helping to make sure the kids have what they need but it's my responsibility to make sure the accounts have enough to cover those things as well making sure we have an adequate emergency savings should we need it. As the provider of my household, I understand it is a duty that I accept. If my wife works, I told her that the extra money would go to whatever needs she sees to spend it on or put it in savings for a future big purchase. But I don't account for her income when I am making the monthly budget. That's that difference between just making money and being the provider.
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Dad role 2: The protector
It is my belief that a man should protect his family. Things like locking the doors at night, making sure fire extinguishers are in the house and work properly, making sure kids are safely buckled in the car and so on. All the safety things that revolve around your spouse and children are your responsibility. No one is expecting you to be John Wick and honestly it's a delusional mind that thinks you need 20 guns to protect a family. But actual protector habits look more like safety minded stuff as mentioned above and nothing to do with guns. If your family is attacked, you should definitely do whatever is in your power to protect the ones you love, but in all reality that may just be doing enough to stall an attacker which gives your family a moment to escape. I plan to elaborate fully on this role in another post.
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Dad role 3: The example
One very important truth every father should know is that children learn the most with their eyes. Watching you and how you handle things will teach them far more than anything else in their lives. Think about that. More than any book they'll ever read, or show they'll watch. The developmental years of a child is when they learn most of what they need from life and majority of that will come from what they see. So, your example goes a long way. How you handle dangerous things like cooking, fixing things, or operating a car. Also how you handle interactions like discussions with their mother, arguments, getting angry, receiving and giving love and so on. There is a ton more to expound on here in a future post. But you get the general gist.
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Dad role 4. The Law
An extremely important role as a Father is establishing guidelines for your family, "the Law". Expectation management is crucial to a healthy marriage and also important for raising healthy children. As a Father you will help to establish those guidelines with your spouse and then back her up and empower her to the children. Women's natural role as a nurturer should be embraced and empowered so that means letting her do most of the conversations that require a strong nurturer. And when she needs a strong voice to come in and remind everyone of the rules, then you need to be that strong voice. And I don't mean yelling. You know you are the strong voice, when what you say is heard and you don't need to raise your voice or repeat yourself. Children crave guidance. Sometimes it can be gentle, and sometimes it will need to overpower their will especially when they are in the phase to test your limits. But communication in the household will be dynamic, multi-faceted and require your strong voice.
Being "the Law" in the house doesn't mean following behind everything they do. It means, you and your spouse establish the rules. She nurtures, corrects, follows and teaches. And when they need the strong voice, the voice of maturity, guidance, acceptance and mentorship, you are there.
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Dad role 5: The Hammer
The Hammer does not always mean spanking or physical punishment. But I do mean there needs to be a moment when you step up and help correct a child's behavior. Often times, there is a moment when their mother is yelling, or the children are throwing a tantrum about something and someone needs to intervene to stop the chaos. That is your role. The hammer falls and shuts down the argument, chaos or whatever. If the child is having a screaming match or tantrum, then most likely they don't feel heard. It will be your job to learn how to keep a level-head, stop the argument, seperate people who are fighting and give them a chance to be heard. Children will sometimes try to assert their will over their parents during that testing phase, it will be your job to remind them of the rules and how things work. Your role as the Law plays in here and your role as the Example will also be important in showing them how you handle difficult or hostile situations. If you defuse the situation, take a minute to breath, then re-engage to talk it out, then that is exactly what they're gonna do later when they are older.
Regardless, the Hammer is role you need to play to support your spouse and enforce the rules when things have gotten off track. I have very rarely ever needed to hit kids and have a great tactic for dads that I will talk about in a blog post just on this topic.