Building the Life You Want, One Decision at a Time

These past several months, my boys and I have circled around one important topic that I think all young men need to hear: the power of our choices. At 12 and 13, my sons are beginning to hold a power that will shape the rest of their lives — the ability to make decisions. For a young person, “the rest of your life” feels impossibly far away. So I try to bring it closer with a few Dad stories.

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Dad Talk 1: Talk to the Old Man

When I was about their age, I had a vivid daydream. In the dream, I walked into a hospital room and saw an old man lying in the bed. As I got closer, I realized it was me... 80 or 90 years old. I sat by his side and thought, I can ask him anything. He knows exactly how my life turns out.

I asked, “Will I get married?” He smiled and said yes.

I asked, “Will I have heartbreak and pain?” Again he smiled and said yes.

Finally, I asked, “Is there something I should avoid to make life easier or better?”

Before he could answer, I snapped back to reality. And in that moment I realized something: I didn’t need him to answer. I already knew. Life brings both love and heartbreak, but the common pitfalls (drugs, alcohol, crime) that can derail everything, are avoidable. From then on, when faced with tough choices, I thought of the old man. What would the old man say?

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Dad Talk 2: Legos

Another talk we’ve had is about Legos. My kids love dumping out a thousand pieces on the floor and building something new. While they are playing I explain that life works the same way. Each decision is a block. One by one, the choices stack up upon each other until they form the structure of your life.

Some blocks seem small, whether to finish homework or hang out with friends. Others feel heavy, which college to attend, which partner to trust, which habits to allow into your life. Stack enough blocks, and before long you’ve built a tower you either love or regret.

I tell my boys: look around at every adult you see. Aside from unforeseen tragedies, most people are living out the life they built. That should be empowering. You have the chance to build wisely, decision by decision.

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Dad Talk 3: Stability

The last talk is about stability: financial, emotional, moral, and spiritual. Stability doesn’t just happen. It’s built through habits like financial discipline, avoiding lifestyle creep (where you spend more as your salary increases), investing early, learning from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. It’s shaped by faith and by choosing relationships carefully.

When life presents opportunities, I encourage them to ask: Which choice leads to greater stability? Take the steady job while exploring passion projects on the side. Build strong, respectful relationships before rushing into commitments. Read, learn, and seek wisdom.

It takes time, often until your 30s, to reach real stability. But once you do, you’ll have a foundation strong enough to invite others in: a spouse, children, even those in need. From that position, marriages are healthier, families are stronger, and you have enough to share.

This topic needs much more of a breakdown. Here is a link to a full blog post that expands on what I mean... Dad Talk: Stability – Building a Life That Lasts

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Moral of the Story

Life is a sum of choices. Every day you’ll see people struggling with the consequences of theirs — addiction, broken finances, unstable relationships. Watch closely. Learn from their mistakes. Decision by decision, block by block, you are building the life you’ll someday live. Make it one you’ll be proud to look back on.

If you watch one man walk into a pot hole, you avoid the pot hole. So it is with life.